Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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