i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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