I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
