If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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