There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
