she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
