I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
