I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
