I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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