My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
