Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
