It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
