I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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