why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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