Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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