I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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