How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
