Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
