Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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