i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
