If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
