Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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