I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
