you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
