I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
