I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
