whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
