She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
