I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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