You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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