dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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