god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
