This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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