I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
