Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
