we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
