chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
