I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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