She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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