it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
