Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
