im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
