Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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