i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
