dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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