apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
