I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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