can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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