Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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