He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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